FC Experts Blogs
December 26, 2007
Leadership: Speaking Up vs. Silence
"What would you do if you heard a rumor that a co-worker was on drugs or had a drinking problem?” Last night at dinner with friends there were many “What if” or “What would you do” questions tossed around. The first about a chemical dependency was one of them. Another was “What would you do if you heard some news that affected a client, a family member or a colleague, that hadn’t been shared with that individual yet? Would you tell him/her, even if it was good news?”
We polled the table and it seems women would say something and men wouldn’t. Interesting don’t you think?
In my world, where I hear decisions as they’re being made, these decisions directly affect my clients lives, whether it’s a posting abroad, a promotion or a political appointment. I cannot say a word for various reasons, one being a confidentiality issue as everything shared with me or in front of me remains confidential by virtue of the ethics of my profession among other things and secondly if for any reason any information would leak out, they might lose the appointment and that wouldn’t be good news for anyone.
Still, for example, if you knew your spouse was going to find out something life altering, a promotion, a transfer etc before he or she knew of it, and it also impacted your life, what would you do? Would you say something or wait for official notification? The last question that was asked was, “If you hadn’t said anything would you fess up to having known it beforehand?” That’s probably the biggest dilemma of all as it might affect the level of trust between the two of you. Or would it perhaps strengthen it?
A dilemma for many; black and white for others. Many had a very hard time with this, more with finding out someone close to them knew and didn’t say anything, even when it was fantastic news. They felt betrayed.
If you were in this position, would you do and why? Your answers will help many people in this position and, perhaps, you yourself if you become faced with this same issue at some point in your life.
Donna Karlin • Executive and Political Shadow Coach™ • Ottawa, Canada • •www.abetterperspective.com
Posted by Donna Karlin at December 26, 2007 11:27 AM | Topic: leadership |
8 Comments
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Actually, it's more important to "Speak Up" to the people SPREADING the rumors than to the subject OF the rumors.
Assuming you know the subject well enough to know that the rumors are certainly not true, it's your obligation as a friend to attempt to counteract the false information. Letting it go is a form of silent agreement. Even if you went to that person and told them that lies were being spread about them, you're leaving that person to fend for themselves, when you could have at least planted the seed of doubt amongst the original conspirators.
OTOH, if you *don't* know the subject well enough to stand up for them against the stated accusations, you run the risk of catching "shoot the messenger" syndrome if you tell them what's going on behind their backs. They also might choose not to believe you and think that YOU started the rumors yourself, which is an entirely different can of worms.
If it's good information about them, there's no potential loss for you in telling them about it.
Bill...
Beautifully put. That was one of the answers at the table last night. It was interesting that most of the people there had no trouble doing what you suggest and that's speaking to the person spreading the rumor. Where they did have a problem was dealing with factual information, such as hearing good news before it's broadcast, seeing a letter being sent out to accept someone into the company, things like that. People had a hard time restraining themselves and not picking up the phone or running to see the person who hasn't yet heard the word officially.
Actually I know in a few instances where information like this was misconstrued and an individual made life altering decisions based on a raise in pay he thought he was getting because of a promotion he also thought he was getting. Even when the information is good, it's not a done deal until it's a done deal.
But that's a whole other blog : )
My thinking is I would go to the person the rumor is about and say "I wanted to let you know I heard blah blah blah about you." I would not inform them where I heard the rumor as the person I heard it from may or may not have initiated it.
This way I do not fight battles that are not my own, for if I confront the person spreading the rumor they may well start a rumor campaign against me or someone on my team.
If it is a situation where I caught wind of someone else's good news, mum's the word...even if its my wife or best friend. Its not my news to share. Playing dumb is always a good approach!
:-)
Paul s Markle
Paul...I can't imagine you being able to get away with 'playing dumb' in any way shape or form!
Great approach. I really appreciate all the comments I've received on this piece because it's an issue that's brought up to me regularly. How people deal with this is dependent on so many factors, not to mention their own personality styles.
In some instances, if for example someome is up for a diplomatic posting and the news is leaked before it's confirmed by an official announcement, even if it has nothing to do with the person being named, they can lose the appointment. I know this is an extreme example but many aren't always aware of the ramifications of saying something out of turn or even for all the right reasons.
Keep your insightful comments coming. Best to all for 2008!
I don't think you can reasonably answer this question in the abstract. There are too many variables: relationships, confidentiality issues, roles, the nature of the issue. You've got to deal with these as they arise, on a case-by-case basis. If you've only got one solution, you're in trouble.
Exactly Wally!
Then why do people think there are cookie cutter solutions for their problems, and cookie cutter ways of operating, forcing every person to act in a specific way in a specific time frame etc?
People are unique....as are situations, circumstances and solutions. One leadership style doesn't fit all nor does one answer fit all.
Thanks!
Donna,
The cynic side of me says that people look for cookie cutter solutions to their problems because don't actually know how to solve it in any other way. It takes thinking and hard work to solve these types of problems.
The non-cynic in me says that people are always doing what they think is best. They are never try to malicious or hurtful in their actions - even if it's the rumor mill in action.
I think Wally hit it on the head - It's entirely dependent on the context in which people are operating. In Wally's example relationships can be broken down even further - my relationship with the person spreading the rumor, my relationship with the person the rumor is about, my relationship in the chain of command (if there is one), my feelings about each of those relationships and their value to me.
There are no cookie cutter solutions. It's one thing to type an answer and another to be congruent to those words and put them into action when the time comes and emotions are flying.
The way people deal with problems depends entirely on the filters they apply to others and especially to themselves.
Hi Adam...
I can almost see you showing me "on one hand" and then "on the other hand". One of the key pieces of my class in the School of Shadow Coaching is filters. Ours, clients, colleagues, environmental in all aspects....they're all factors give depth and context and of course, perspective. What we do with all of those factors is what determines a chain of events.
I'm always fascinated in seeing the stances people take when I pose questions like this.
Of course I'd love to hear which side reigns supreme...the cynic or the non-cynic.
Thank you.