Magazine Resources

FC NOW: The Fast Company Weblog

August 13, 2004

Top Ten List

Last year, Fast Company offered 10 make-or-break questions to gauge whether your company is up to speed. As a birthday present to FC Now, I have here in my left hand tonight's Top 10 list -- a humorous counterpoint you can also use to evaluate your organization's performance.

Tonight's Top 10 list: Top 10 Ways to Tell if Your Company is Not "Fast." Heeeeere we go...

10. Employee of the Month parking space has been awarded to the cleaning person for the tenth straight month.
9. VP of Engineering is a little to fond of the phrase "innovation-schminnovation."
8. After learning of how many employees have "blogs," CFO worried that such a wide-spread epidemic would drive medical premiums through the roof.
7. The movie Office Space is shown to managers as a lesson in how things should be done. (Or The Corporation, for that matter.)
6. The VP of Marketing thinks Heath Row is a typo for an airport in London.
5. After overhearing that an employee recently "Googled" a client, COO consulted with legal counsel only to learn it's not what it sounds like.
4. The VP of Sales thinks a purple cow is something that will cripple the beef industry.
3. With revenues in the third year of rapid decline, the company's spending on Successories posters and coffee mugs hit record levels. Purchasing considers switching to Despair Inc.
2. The CEO tells Maria Bartiromo that shareholders need not worry because "change is something to be jingled in one's pockets, not a way by which to improve the company's ailing bottom line."